marriage so far
The last several months of my life have been a beautiful whirlwind. I got married a few days short of two months ago. It was the most wonderful day. I’m convinced that there is nothing in the world like your wedding day; the immense love, the solemn and joyous commitment, the gathering of so many dear souls, and the combination of all things beautiful. That once in a lifetime day was followed by trip north where the waters rage but there is such rest. The mountains were our daily view and I understood oneness and selflessness more with each passing moment. When we arrived home from our honeymoon the house had to be cleaned, put together, and we got to adjust to living life together.
This post isn’t to brag on my husband, even though he has brought the most laughter and love into my life. It also isn’t to talk about my wedding day as much as I loved it. It’s to share the things I’m learning and areas I’m growing in these almost two months of marriage.
I have found as a wife that works part time and is mostly at home that I have a lot to learn about servant hood. I have had roommates my entire life, but this is different. I do the wife stuff; cleaning, cooking, laundry, and most of the times I am playing the part well. But I have learned that there is a side to serving others that is mental. There are moments that I want to throw a plate on the ground and break it because I’m sick of doing all the cleaning, there are moments that I want to throw all the socks in the trash and buy new ones over matching them again. Those are small things, but sometimes my thoughts get the best of me and if I’m not careful, on the outside I’m playing the role but on the inside I’m growing in resentment.
I mentioned this but it’s a big deal. In marriage there is a deep intimacy that your thoughts either encourage or they divide. I have to continually repent, remind myself of truth, and speak truth to myself and our marriage. He is not doing things to hurt me on purpose, it is possible that he has NO idea, it is also possible that things are my fault. It’s possible that I am the one who is wrong and needs forgiveness. One of the greatest lessons I have learned in 2 months is that I must pay attention to my thoughts, pondering the wrong things will soon lead to believing the wrong things as truth.
Wanna know what’s funny, two 23 year olds talking about money like it runs the world. Tim and I are both independent, have lived on our own for years, and merging our lives and bank accounts has been like arm wrestling continuously. For me to trust him to make wise financial decisions for him to tell me what we can and cannot afford… that’s hard. It’s hard to make decisions together that are, quite frankly, easier to make on your own. When your finances are together you quickly learn to depend on each other and make decisions together, but this one for me has been difficult. We are young and have the world in front of us, sometimes it’s hard to forget we aren’t 45 with mortgages and 10 kids. To the young and married, take out a bottle of wine and talk about your $5 like it’s $5 not a million… together, you can make it work and you have all you need.
We go to one of those churches that are for real, they want to know you and invite you to their house and give you food when you’re sick. I go to one of those churches that are the way church should be; I have never experienced anything like it. For me, weirdly, it’s uncomfortable. Generally I like to have a couple of close friends and see everyone else like once a month. Since moving closer and getting married I have learned my dependence on people is much greater than it has ever been. They say “it takes a village to raise a child” I think it takes a village (or community) to raise a marriage. We have gotten invited over for so many dinners and have been covered in support since our wedding. I think the most valuable gift we have been given is our community. It’s easy to stay inside do married life and forget to invest in community. But now more than ever I have been challenged to pursue, to ask, and to hear from those people that know more than I do. Around us are men and women succeeding, each differently and in their own way, in marriage… probably a good idea to glean any wisdom they are willing to share.
This may seem out of place with my lessons and learnings but it’s not. I’m young, no seriously… I’m young and somehow life grew me up really fast and I got a little serious about things and I laughed less for the last couple of years. Marriage gave me my laughter back; between the MOUNTAINS of laundry, the feasts of a meal that this man eats, and the sudden replacement of action movies to my normal chick flick… I laugh. I think that’s what gives me strength, hope, and joy. We laugh together about our money, our annoyances, and differences. It’s so healthy to laugh. So if you just feel the need in the middle of your serious talk (be smart), dead silence, or as you lay your head on your pillow to recount your day… Laugh, it could be just the thing that reminds you of this blessed gift.
Marriage is the greatest adventure, ours has only just begun.