when being "us" takes work
Some times it just flows, we can be around each other always, our schedules are in sync, our expectations are met, and I feel so loved.
I would be lying if I said it were always like that.
Sometimes it takes work to be us. It takes understanding, it takes adjusting expectations, it takes accepting, it takes grace, and it takes a ton of forgiveness. I can't expect him to be the answer and contrary to fairy tales I can't expect him to be my everything. He can't be.
We had a talk about finances that ends the way they all do with a 20s something almost newlyweds... We don't have a lot of money, but what we do have we need to be good stewards of.
We also had a trust talk, where I need to trust him because he is called to provide for and love me.
Lastly, we had the "I don't feel loved" talk.... all in just a week.
I have accepted the fact that I am going to live with a boy and that will be so different but I haven't accepted that that boy will hurt my feelings and do the wrong things AND never leave.
I am having a hard time believing that he won't leave. I can't do enough to scare him and warn him and he just looks at me with big brown eyes and stays. He stays just stays there and loves me.
I know that people don't like to talk about this side of their relationship; it's not Instagram worthy, it's not the story you tell your grand kids, and it's not what you see on tv. But it's real. Most days it takes work for two people to be "us." a lot of time the reason it doesn't work is because the work gets too heavy and we (I) try and lift it on our own, and we (I) don't allow the other person to bear our burdens and failures and insecurities.
The truth is, tomorrow may be easier. These hard days don't normally last long because I do so deeply love him. Sometimes I just forget... I loose perspective.
We must never be afraid to admit weakness; in our weakness we can depend on perfect strength, we can grow together, and in that, marriage (or my future marriage) can fulfill the purpose for which it was created... A picture of love and sacrifice making us more pure and holy.