marriage > wedding
Weddings are trendy, but is marriage?
I was reading a blog that my wedding photographer did on a sweet couple that had been married for 50 years.... Yes 50 years. That's rare but also incredible. During a short interview he asked on a scale of 1 to 10 how hard is marriage, with sobering remembrance they both answered 10 and smiled. When asked how much they spent on their wedding all she could remember was two flower arrangements and a dress, under $200 spent.
I recently got married and there is so much preparation for your wedding day. Flowers, dresses, colors, food, decorations.... And on and on. So many lovely touches that go into planning your big day. Also something you are aware of is that right now, weddings are trendy. Pintrest, instagram, photographers... it's a trending topic and it's everywhere. With that so many people longing have a wedding how important is it to us to prepare for marriage.
On a scale of 1 to 10 on how hard marriage is, it's a 10.
On the other side of the wedding you've been dying to plan is a marriage that is going to take a lot of work.
Don't get me wrong, if you know me at all, planning my wedding was a blast and I loved it! Pintrest and instagram does a good job at showing all the beauty and personal touches that go into that day. But the planning for your wedding day should be second to planning for your marriage. As much time as it takes to figure out your centerpieces and hours you can spend browsing to find the perfect guest book idea... Go to pre marital counseling, read a book on marriage, go meet with a couple you know that's been married over 20 years... Which may be hard to find. Our generation is one of the majority coming from divorced families, that should bring a reverence to your wedding day.
I experienced that focusing on our marriage during engagement made wedding planning much simpler. There were bigger resolutions to make than steak versus chicken, there was "till death do us part" on my brain. Marriage is beautiful and our wedding days should reflect the holiness of covanant and commitment even more so than the perfect pintrest wedding.
If you are dating or engaged really ask yourself what you are more excited for, what you are putting your time to, and what matters most to you.
If you are single, praise Jesus for this season, it's the perfect time to search out the meaning of marriage and to take a break from planning your secret pintrest board wedding. (I had one too)
Once a week sit down with you fiancé and talk through all of your wedding details, you are planning an event so details must be discussed. Meet with a marital counselors or married couples once a week, seek out wisdom for your marriage. Go on a date night often, no wedding discussions, keep your friendship and romance protected from wedding takeover.
It's easy for planning a wedding to put a strain on your relationship for most couples it's the first big decisions they make together.... Laugh at life. Tim and I took 3 months to pick out bow ties and even argued about it, that's hilarious. Don't be afraid to laugh at yourself.
Planning for marriage can be so fun; making grocery lists, talking through morning routines, house decor preferences, and even the nitty gritty talks about sex and marriage are just fun (and something funny) at times. Laugh together. If you feel yourself getting really stressed out or feeling far, hug your fiancé for 3 minutes (just hug). It helps you feel near.
Declutter Social Media
I stopped following a lot of wedding photographers, event planners, and florists while we were engaged, I did keep some but I decluttered. I started following some women on Instagram that were married, were moms, and loved their husbands. Women that were real and vulnerable with their lives, women whose wedding day is a beautiful memory but whose marriage was strong.
My prayer is that we can have a greater perspective, that we may focus on things that are beyond one day. That your marriage will be stronger because of your single, dating, and engagement seasons. I would be willing to bet that as you focus on your marriage that you two will find wedding planning less stressful.